The Rabbi Rules
I was impressed with this article Why Powerful Men Can’t Keep Their Pants On. This man is a counsellor….presumably marriage, personal, all kinds of things, being a Rabbi. He had some very intriguing things to say about men like Tiger Woods, Arnold Schwarzenegger, IMF head Dominique Strauss-Kahn, powerful successful men who can’t “keep it in their pants“. Now personally I don’t particularly care about most people’s personal lives even when they are important public figures. That sounds contradictory, I know. The thinking usually goes “if we can’t trust these men to treat their families with respect how can we trust them to run a state, or a major corporation, or represent powerful, athletic sponsors?” Thing is, their personal lives may be crap but they indeed can do their jobs and for the most part do them very well.
After his sex scandal broke, I defended Tiger Woods’ professional life in a blog. When everyone was going on about his many mistresses and his stunning bombshell wife (which she is) they were also sneering about his continued future on the golf course and whether his career was shot. My answer went something like “he’s a lousy husband but he’s a helluva golfer isn’t he?” (Watch Inside Tiger Woods Divorce). Mind you, Strauss-Khan is not accused of adultery: he is accused of being a sexual predator, clearly a completely different matter. Watch IMF’s Strauss-Khan to go from jail to house arrest. A grand jury indicted S-K and he was obliged to post $1 million bail and a $5 million dollar bond. This is no playa. This is a rapist.
Insofar as Woods, Trump and Schwarzenegger go, I am not defending their private behaviour. It is appalling. It is devastating to their families, in-laws and friends. Well that’s what the Rabbi argues against. He insists that these men aren’t perverts in a sexual sense. If they want sex, they have gorgeous wives (Maria Shriver, for one). Boteach claims their running around is based on insecurity; no matter how powerful and wealthy these men get they still feel like nothing without proving they can get any woman, anywhere, in the sack. (Here is a perfect example of that insecurity: an incredibly rude Howard Stern interview with Arnold about Maria and divorce….even Stern said “you’re really out of control“.
That sounds like Geoffrey James who wrote a similar perspective in his blog “Donald Trump’s Negotiation Mind Games” on bNet,when he discussed his friend’s business meeting with The Donald: “He’s so insecure about his looks that he keeps wearing that awful comb-over, and he keeps marrying not-very-bright eye-candy….when it comes down to it, he’s just a dude.”
(Watch as Donald praises himself yet manages to wrap it in a fraudulent cloak of humility in Close up: Donald Trump Interview)
That’s Boteach’s point: it isn’t about sex or beauty: a powerful man wants validation and in spite of his wife, his kids, his wealth and his success, he will never believe he has it. Interesting too, how everyone’s attention goes straight to the wife and then the mistress(es) when a powerful man cheats: most of us truly believe it’s all about mens’ sexual weakness for gorgeous women that accounts for playboy-like behaviour and we all want to know if his wife is hot or not. Does that mean if she isn’t, his behaviour is excused? And what about S-K and the rape accusations? That has nothing to do with desire: rape is an act of power and degradation, not sex.
Consider Shania Twain‘s recent divorce. Her husband “Mutt Lange” (himself a total eye sore) left her for a considerably less attractive woman, and a penniless one at that. That stuns a lot of people. Again the question has been “what more does he want?” (Watch Shania Twain’s Painful Past).
Who knows what more these men want? Whatever it is, it is a need that will never be fulfilled.I agree with Boteach: it’s about insecurity and the continual need for self-verification. Personally I will go a step further: these men are immoral, selfish and insecure, but others (Arnold, Trump) are downright pathological. His rage against innocent people (children no less) he encountered during his term as governor has nothing to do with beauty or sex, but he claims he was trapped in this role. In private, the Terminator’s weak, little hands are tied, so his solution is to bed every bimbo he can, then publicly lash back at his wife and the family that gave him his political career in the first place. After all, if a man can’t get it up anymore who cares if he can rule a state, a country or play a mean game of golf? Aren’t the notches on his bedpost what matters most?
Watch Why powerful men cheat
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