40 years of faulty wiring

When Will I Learn?

I love the irony of that title since I’m a schoolteacher and my career is all about teaching children curriculum.  However teachers are lifelong learners too and thank God for that.  Hopefully everyone is in that category.  The day you stop learning is the day you die, at least that’s my opinion and its gotta be since I NEVER LEARN.

Why is it that there are certain painful lessons I just don’t get no matter how many times I live them?  I read an awesome Native Indian piece of philosophy once.

A lesson will be repeated until it is learned.

My God I love that.  So poetic and yet it makes so much sense.  Think about how it applies to your own life.  I know how it applies to mine.  I always make such poor, ratty choices in men.  Always.  And I always fall for them way too fast.  I assume loyalty where there is none. I expect longevity when it is unlikely to happen.  I consider a man to be my boyfriend after only knowing that person a few weeks.

Ultimately I am proven wrong again and again.  Not just because of my own aforementioned illogical assumptions but also because of my poor choices in men: often very handsome, workaholics, unemployed freeloaders, unavailable, divorced, never married, unable to commit, a complete lack of mutual interests, disrespect for women, respect for women, and of course interested in sex but no strings, honey. That’s quite a smorgasboard and none of it especially tempting. 

By now I recognize an unavailable man who is not ready to commit and likely will never commit at least not to me.  I also know the type who is into sex without committment and the type who likely has a significant other but is sneaking around on her and therefore on me too.  I’ve been there, done it all, seen it all and I am ever so fatigued by it all.

And then I meet a completely incompatible man and am ever so excited as the whole cycle begins all over again. 

So here’s what I have learned:

  1. I am not wife material (see my previous post Always the Bridesmaid Never the Bride)
  2. I have good instincts about my poor taste in men
  3. I have superficial interests
  4. I am much better off playing the field even though I hate it
  5. I must become more light-hearted and less involved emotionally since I know these dudes are not now and never will be right for me

That is my ultimate decision.  #5 is the answer.  I can’t entirely stop dating.  How boring.  I can’t entirely avoid the opposite sex.  How unfulfilling.  I can’t stay at home and hide out.  How reclusive.  But I can admit I have rotten taste in good-looking, shallow men with nothing in common with me and still enjoy the ride as long as it lasts. That my friends, that is the answer and the secret of my (debatable) success.

What were you expecting, a fairy tale, ideal ending, the kind you see in the movies?  Get real. We can’t all play the Cinderella role. Some of us function quite well as the (not-so-evil) stepsister (except hopefully we look better in a full length mirror under flourescent lighting in a La Senza dressing room).

So thus my “relationships” (more aptly named encounters perhaps) with men are not perfect, not horrible, maybe just a compromise.

Perhaps the lesson has been learned after all.

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January 29, 2011 - Posted by | Human psychology, Reflections | , , , , , , , ,

3 Comments »

  1. Hey Teacher,
    Great blog. It sounds like we are in similar situations. I have had to take my blog down because some of my details compromised my anonymity… oops. When I re-launch in the next few days, do you mind if I link to yours? You have some good stuff to say.
    JB

    Comment by Jeffrey Bernardo | January 30, 2011 | Reply

    • Absolutely. How flattering. I shall have to check yours out. Incidentally we aren’t allowed to reveal our true identity? Is that a blog law and I didn’t get the memo? 😉

      Comment by teacher | January 30, 2011 | Reply

    • By LL means, do so. Sorry this reply is so late. I just read it today.

      Comment by teacher | March 2, 2012 | Reply


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