40 years of faulty wiring

Tasty Toenia Tapeworms Tighten and Tone the Torso

Have you heard of the Tapeworm Diet? I swear it’s real.  In fact, one of my fave programs, 1000 ways to Die, aired an episode in which a girl swallowed a tapeworm that lodged snugly in her intestines, she lost scads of weight, and died from various complications. That’s the skinidea behind the TD (no, not the dying part – the weight loss part). I first read about swallowing the parasitic tapeworm at least two decades ago. The man who swallowed it didn’t do so for cosmetic reasons. He wanted to prove for scientific research if Fred the Tapeworm (that’s what he named it) could save his life and boost his immune system in the event that he was internally exposed to elements that should have been fatal. For example, this brave (or gross) person drank from the Ganges River, and ate stuff that would turn off a billy-goat. Happily, Fred did his work and absorbed all of the incredibly dangerous viruses and bacteria that came from the exotic diet. Eventually, the scientist had to somehow de-worm himself so he could void it, since Fred was also killing him. via extreme weight loss. Can you imagine having a tapeworm hanging out of you when you go to the bathroom? Gross.  The things people will do in the name of science.

Tyra Banks had a panel of women on one of her silly episodes (stupid show) and a female tapeworm user’s doctor had inserted it inside of her tongue, just beneath the surface. She stuck out her tongue at Tyra and the camera zoomed in so we could all see it, Ick. The woman was still chunky. I guess the tongue doesn’t work as well as the intestine….you know, you could interpret that statement on so many levels. These tapeworms can grow several feet inside the human body  It keeps pace with your intestines. Tapeworms have been known to void from a person’s anus. Seriously. Are you eating just now?  Sorry.  The tapeworm expert on the show presented beef and pig tapeworms. Beef tapeworms are known as taenia saginata. The tapeworm eggs hatch inside the cattle and travel to the muscles becoming inclusions called cysticercus. Pig tapeworms are called taenia solium. Humans become infected from passed eggs or by consuming contaminated meat.

These are normally not ingested by humans. Humans come in contact with them by eating contaminated beef or pork, but in North America that seldom happens.

default-ehow-images-a05-5r-qk-diseases-tapeworms-800x800Women have swallowed tapeworm eggs and larvae (gross) to lose weight and yet many have not. I suppose it doesn’t work for everyone, like any diet and exercise program. At least reasonably normal diets like eating extra veggies and fruits than you usually do, or cutting down on carbs, or some such thing, doesn’t do any damage and doesn’t threaten your life.  I mean, are people that desperate to lose weight that they would put their lives at risk and become a nursery for wriggly worms? Eesh. In other countries in the world, obesity is considered very attractive. Obese women  have far more marriage options than thin women, since the weight suggests the husband is wealthy and can afford to feed her well. However, before you get all excited and think you might move there, these women usually eat all day in order to gain massive amounts of weight. Since food is expensive they are known to eat cattle feed and to die from it. Sheee-it. No matter where we are on the globe, it’s all about the body.

Other opinions about tapeworms state that the TD does no harm to the human body. This article, Null Hypothesis, claims that death is unlikely, but if it occurs it is due to massive infections. So far as I know, the woman who ate a tapeworm on the Tyra Banks show is still alive, so perhaps there is some truth to the Null Hypothesis. Mind you, I wouldn’t accept the article’s information over that of a doctor. Not for a minute.

If you are considering the TD, here are a few facts for you to consider:

  1. tapeworms grow up to 20 yards long (nasty)
  2. tapeworms can eat their way out of the intestines into the abdomen, causing death by internal hemmhoraghing (ouch)
  3. taenia solium, a type of tapeworm, is the leading cause of acquired epilepsy, originating in pigs (th-th-that’s all folks)
  4. you will be swarming with eggs, larvae and tapeworm (gross)

Here’s a great paragraph summing up more reasons to avoid tapeworms as dietary aids:

While a tapeworm might take in some of the food you do, it would at the same time be taking in a lot of vitamins and other nutrients you need to stay healthy. Do you know what ascites are? A big pool of fluid in your tummy caused by an immune response to something in your guts. Something like a tapeworm. It gives you a big potbelly, which runs kind of counter to the look you might be wishing for. And a tapeworm might not necessarily just set up camp in your innards. It can also cause cysts in your muscles, liver and eyes. Your eyes! So don’t you think it might be easier instead to just eat a bit less and exercise a bit more?  Well said.

Stages

  • 250px-Tapeworm_life_cycleTapeworm eggs hatch in the intestines of the infected animal. This hatched stage of the tapeworm is called an oncosphere.
  • The oncospheres penetrate the intestine wall and move to other organs, such as the brain, liver, tissues and striated muscles.
  • Once the oncospheres have migrated to other organs, they turn into cysts.
  • Cysts found in under cooked meat travel to the intestines in humans. The intestines are where the cysts stop in humans.
  • Cysts turn inside-out, causing the insides of the cysts to protrude in a tubular fashion.
  • These inside-out cysts attach themselves to the small intestine of their human carrier by their scolex, or head-like segment.
  • Adult tapeworm development from the scolex
  • There are 1000 segments of adult tapeworm
  • Each segment carries 50,000 eggs
  • Adult tapeworms lay eggs and the cycle continues

Sounds gorgeous? Hardly. Healthy is a write-off. But if it’s an easy form of weight loss you want, the TD might be the (dangerous, gross, foolhardy) solution. Two internet sites where you can order tapeworm larvae are tapewormeggs.com  and  lieware  See you in the cemetery.  I’ll bring flowers. Oh, and a scale.

 

September 18, 2013 Posted by | Animal Kingdom, Bizarre yet True, Health and Wellness, Human psychology | , , , | Leave a comment

13 Diets Certain to Make You Starve, Gag, Vomit, or Bored

Speaking of eating there are diets people follow that have been around for eons yet they aren’t what you’d call mainstream.  They do however share a key commonality: they’re all really weird.

    1. Paleo (Caveman) Diet – People on the CD eat only red meat, nuts and veggies. No fruit, no dairy, no processed foods. watch eaten alive They select lean cuts of meat and balance it with veggies. Watch Paleo Caveman Diet as seen on NBC’s Nightline. People who gain weight on the CD are eating more meat than veggies and they aren’t active enough.  Watch all he could eat.
    2. Sleeping Beauty. No fake. These people take sleeping pills and sleep for 2 – 3 days and when they wake up they’re lighter. Elvis Presley was a fan of the SB diet and look how he turned out.  Nice and slim.
    3. The Great Masticator (stop that, you).  Named after Horace Fletcher who argued that every bite of food should be chewed thirty two times. Dentists loved Fletcher. Read healthy weight loss through proper mastication of food
    4. Liquid Diet -  Most people go on a liquid diet for weight loss. Others claim it’s a great detox. watch beer bashed Water is a huge part of this diet. A plant based liquid diet that includes juices and vegetable broths is key. Read How to Do a Liquid Diet | eHow.com
    5. Tapeworm Diet- One thing you cannot buy over the internet are tapeworm larvae. You swallow a tapeworm larvae, it travels down to your stomach or your intestines and nestles until junior hatches. Read Tapeworm Diet. Junior, a parasite, gobbles your excess calories as soon as its born. Family Guy – I want some ice cream People have been known to die from this so-called diet. watch die-it   watch brain worms
    6. Breatharianism - claim they don’t eat or drink. They breathe and pray (for dear life)because spirituality, light and air fills all of their nutritious needs. They’re all dead now. Kidding. watch mr breatharian read can humans survive on air alone?
    7. Alcohol Diet – Credit William the Conqueror for this one. Old Will lived in the early Medieval era and didn’t like getting fat so he refused the banquet and only drank. But lo, tis rumoured that whilst drunk upon his steed, Will felleth and suffered severe abdominal damage, leading to his death. read  Sleeping Beauty and Worm Diets – Thinning through history.
    8. graham diet- eating only bland food is a foolproof way to lose weight. You won’t want to eat much since it tastes so blah. family guy i want some graham crackers  Lovely balance of foods this one.
    9. Fruitarians watch how to become a fruitarian  The fruitarian diet includes seeds, olives and nuts. Nuts are classified as fruits because they develop from pollinated flowers. You’re not supposed to drink, not even water. 90% of a fruitarian diet is fruit. You are what you eat. watch how to get a flat stomach
    10. Cookie Diet- I’d put this one in the Breatharian catgegory for stupidity. Eat cookies and you will develop the body of your dreams.  It worked for Cookie Monster but do you really want to turn blue and furry? watchhow to look like you lost weight 
    11. mono diet Only one food is eaten at each meal. watch using a mono diet for internal cleansing. A mono raw food for lunch and a mixed salad at dinner. The diet insists that mixing foods confuses the brain into thinking you need to keep eating. read mono food diet perks
    12. Instinctive Eating. You choose whatever you want based on your instincts….problem is, what if you instinctively need a Big Mac? Watch dr assman. Read What is instinctive eating? It was developed by Guy-Claude Burger (see? look at his last name).
    13. The Microlivestock (insect) Diet. Insects are a source of protein. Tortillas are served with agave worms. Ants are ground up and used as a spread. Watch nucu for you too Insects use less land and feed than cattle and are cleaner than other animals. Meh. I’ll  avoid the arthropods and stick to tried and true veggies. Read insects as human food.

June 5, 2011 Posted by | Bizarre yet True, Health and Wellness, Human Biology | , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Celebrities Who Pass the Buck on Obscene Public Behaviour

Pass the Buck Syndrome (PB)

 PBS syndrome (I made that one up) consists of celebrities committing obscenities in public then insisting it was beyond their control or better still, someone else’s fault. Why do spin doctors insist on inventing syndromes and genetic causes for bad attitudes, promiscuity, obesity, reckless credit, alcoholism, as if we are clueless enough to buy into this stuff? Remember Mel the anti-Semitic Gibson and that ridiculous explanation he offered after his drunken rant against Jews:  “That wasn’t me talking.”   (That’s his mug shot btw). Way to pass the buck, Mel.
Career Revenues:  35 million dollars
Uploaded Youtube Rant:  $5.00
                                    Snotty attitude even while apologizing to the public:  Priceless

Then there was Kramer’s (from Seinfeld) racist rant on Youtube about white and black men. Watch Michael Richards Goes Crazy. Its pretty much destroyed his career (and rightly so). Watch Michael Richards “So called apology I love how other celebrities refused to let him pass the buck on that one:  Watch Kramer’s apology (Family Guy)
Career Revenues Before the Incident:  $25 million dollars
Career Revenues After the Incident:  $0 dollars
Blaming the blacks in the audience for heckling him and causing his ignorant remarks:  Priceless

Tom Cruise.  Need I say more?  The Brooke Shields criticism, the anger toward Matt Lauer about his understanding of psychiatry (enclosed), his warped behaviour on Oprah (admittedly a different type of bizarreness).  The difference in TC however is that he actually believes in his own public idolatry and believes he has no reason to make apologies to anyone. I wonder if his wife was permitted to have an epidural while she gave birth to Suri?  Watch Tom Cruise chews out Matt Lauer
Career Revenues: 
$100 million dollars
Personality Disorder:  $
0 dollars in psychiatric visits (he doesn’t believe in psychiatry)
Obvious effort to not lose it on Matt Lauer even though Scientologists aren’t allowed to get angry:  Priceless

Self-Sabotage Syndrome (SSS)

Then there’s the bizarre  “Self-Sabotage Syndrome” (I made that one up). This is the opposite of Gibson and Richards where a celebrity deliberately sabotages a career in order to get back into the limelight. Lindsay Lohan is a prime example. She fakes public humiliation to attract the paparazzi and distract public attention from her crummy acting. She started out as an adorable kid who had acting talent which soon disappeared, so she re-invented herself as a coked-up drunk who bares all in Playboy, and does a little jail time now and again.  Who does she think she’s kidding? What a waste of court dollars.  Watch Lindsay Lohan leaves court in handcuffs.
Career Revenues:  $55 million dollars
Breast Implants and Hair Bleach:  $10,080 dollars
Trying Really Hard to look Remorseful in Court but Her Acting isn’t Up to Par:  Priceless

Winona Ryder, a pretty actress who, like Lohan lacks actual talent, is only famous-by-default due to her ex-relationship with Johnny Depp. She displayed a fine example of SSS with her fake kleptomaniac arrest. Watch Winona Ryder shoplifting. We’re still waiting for the subsequent comeback that hasn’t happened. What a surprise.
Career Revenues:  $25 million dollars
Kleptomania Stash:  $10,000 dollars
The fact that no one born in 1985 knows who she is even though she was in the headlines for stealing:  Priceless

June 1, 2011 Posted by | Health and Wellness, Human Biology | , , , , , , | Leave a comment

   

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