Ridiculous Retirement Advice

Although I’ve pretty much been doom and gloom about Canada’s ongoing recession, job losses, and the European euro crash, I found some interesting (and hilarious) non-investment retirement advice in MoneySense Guide to Retiring Wealthy that has lifted my spirits. I always wondered what happened to people who either couldn’t or wouldn’t invest a cent for their retirement.  I know people in the latter situation, if you can believe it. One family blows their money at the racetrack every week (how they can afford that while living on a government-funded seniors’ pension, God only knows).  The other is a young man who is more than capable of holding down a job, yet he works the welfare system and collects every month because he doesn’t like work.  No, seriously. There just seem to be people like that in the city, don’t there?  They learn barely legal loopholes and they live on us while we live on … us.  But I digress….

I am reading the updated 2012 edition of MoneySense and found, on p. 58, the most hilarious retirement advice ever.  Now the book states it can help you to retire wealthy, however it seems to have thrown in a codicil here for people who just want to retire, wealthy or not. It presents the no-frills retirement option:

• rental property with utilities
• no car – public transport only
• no cable, internet, etc
• 3 meals a day
• no extras – even a bottle of booze every week
• it didn’t mention food and clothing banks or soup
  kitchens…consider those your luxuries
• it didn’t mention begging or busking …
  consider those your optional additional income
  resources

If you can live happily under these rigid conditions (and some people can) the total amount required to save for your retirement is:  zero.  Seriously.  Where does the money come from to finance the aforemementioned, you say? 3 very solid government systems:  OAS (Old Age Security), GIS (Guaranteed Income Supplement) and CPP (Canada Pension Plan).  It is not true that CPP and OAS are in danger of vanishing.  Poppycock.  Those rumours have been swirling around since the 1970s but the two systems are still paying out annually to ever senior in Canada.  watch the canada pension plan with malcolm hamilton

This provides a couple with a combined income of approximately $24,000.00 annually, every year.  I do not know what a single retiree is given but I do know  (and I quote) “you won’t have to live on cat food.” watch 88 year old stand up to harper government

While it’s reassuring to know that if, for some tragic reason, you wind up on skid row, that you will still be cared for financially, it just rips me that you can plan for a basic retirement by investing nothing. I cannot stop snickering over that one. Can you imagine watching a commercial like that? So for all of you very laissez-faire types who have been late to the investment party, or who may never make it, relax.  You live in Canada.  Let the elderly Americans eat cat food…or to COIN a phrase…let them eat cake. watch make your money worth more

moneysense.ca

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